prokopetz:

More stock NPCs for your Dungeons & Dragons game:

• A hulking paladin voiced in your best Patrick Warburton impression who uses the names of obscure polearms as expletives
• A ranger who aspires to be a fashion designer, and hunts rare beasts to obtain their hides and fur for use in dressmaking
• What initially appears to be a dwarven runecaster with a badger familiar, but it turns out it’s actually the badger who’s the runecaster, and the dwarf is her personal assistant
• A compulsively stealthy rogue who insists that all their thievery is in support of a sick relative; it’s not entirely clear whether there’s one sick relative or many involved, as the details change every time they tell it
• A bard outlawed from their home village after making a pun so terrible that it killed the blacksmith
• A swashbuckling fighter who enjoys lavish hospitality on account of their fearsome reputation, but is secretly just very skilled at stage combat and can’t actually fight their way out of a wet paper bag
• A star pact warlock with maxed out Bluff impersonating a cleric of a benevolent sun god
• A mysterious druid dwelling on the outskirts of town who everyone politely pretends not to notice is actually three dire raccoons standing on each other’s shoulders in a feathered robe